A number of factors have contributed to who I am today, both positively and negatively. It goes right back to childhood and all that I have learnt along the way of growing up. I believe that every aspect of my character has a light and dark side, I shall try to take each aspect in turn:
I would stake that my thoughtfulness and consideration for others comes from my Mother. She brought me up to be mindful of other people and not to be self-centred, she is a very giving person. I also watched how she worked (she was an administrator at my secondary school) for others and recognise that in professional development I have become a people-pleasers. I am trying to reduce this tendency because trying to please everyone all of the time is exhausting and at my expense.
My creativity comes from my Dad. From a very young age he got me involved in making things and fixing things. It is no wonder that since having my first car and now my first home I do a lot of DIY and very practical minded. On the other hand I have so many ideas of what to make that I can flit from one thing to another before finishing a project and they mount up at times.
I am cautious when trusting new people, and probably if I am honest established friends as well. This goes back to school experiences. Over and over again I was proved wrong to trust that peers meant what they said. Superficial comments, compliments in particular, I found to be false and because of the repetition of those experiences since primary school and especially in secondary school I struggle to trust what people say and find it difficult to accept a compliment. Bizarrely I find a criticism easier to accept as it is more believable. In recent years I have worked hard to overcome this flaw, through counselling and personal development.
I’m not sure where my ‘bar of standard’ came from; I’m told I set it far too high for myself and too low for others to meet. I am hard on myself and the quality of my work – I’m not a perfectionist but my standard is high – if I do something it should be done properly and in detail. On the flip side I am poor at completing housework!
I daydream a lot and indulge in films and music most of my time whether I am at work or at home. This again comes from school experiences. My world feels safer than the real world, I can achieve detailed escapism through visualisation, meditation and writing. I can imagine myself inside a book as a character and the same in a programme or film. I pay attention to the characters and who plays them, I also pay attention to other characters actors play to find a pattern in their work. I’ve been accused of not living in the real world and having a passion for something meaningless – but I cannot help it, it is just how I choose to switch off and mentally escape.
My determination, stubbornness and fickleness come from my family and mostly likely, my star sign (Taurus). I am traditionally bull-headed, I can dig my heels in over something I have faith in (or something I really want). Determination stems from wanting to prove people wrong about me, I hate being predictable but invariably am. I compromise a fair bit as I am a peacekeeper and hate confrontation or arguing.
Why do I think I am the way I am?
Because life experiences have shaped me and my own desire to be a person I want to be have led me to what I have learnt and made of myself.